My pal Jeffy is a mensch. He knows a lot about art. (Go to see the Richard Serra sculpture with him at BCAM and you’ll find out exactly how much.) He runs a kajillion miles a week and swims laps at the pool in the Rose Bowl gym. He makes a mean cassoulet. He’s some kind of math genius. And, he’s super handsome, to boot. But, until a few weeks ago, he knew nothing about American Idol. See, Jeffy doesn’t have a teevee, so I think he was the last “Idol virgin” in the country. Not any more.
Now he’s hooked. He comes to our house every Tuesday to watch. He cooks up some of that cassoulet. Or maybe a kick-ass pizza. We sit back, watch, drink some wine, and criticize everything from the singing to the shoes. And so, the inevitable has happened: we’re now choosing our wine based on the American Idol experience. We’ve found a great house Chianti, a very nice Spanish red, and a lovely Pinot Noir. But enough with the generic wine list. It’s time to get serious – it’s time to choose our wines by American Idol CONTESTANT.
One person will be eliminated tonight. In the interest of proving we don’t know who’s going to be booted off, we’re making American Idol Pairing™ suggestions for each of the current top 12, listed in alphabetical order, just as they are on the show website:
Amanda Overmyer – Amanda sounds like the reincarnation of Janis Joplin at her booziest. We recommend something spicy, like a good California Zinfandel. 2005 Gnarly Head Old Vines Zin, about $12.
Brooke White – Brooke channels a non-Idol Carly – Carly Simon – at every opportunity. Her Teflon goody-two-shoes exterior demands something sunny and mellow to accompany it. We recommend a light French-style Chardonnay: 2006 Hayman & Hill Reserve Selection Russian River Valley, about $15.
Carly Smithson – Given her Irish background, we actually considered recommending a robust ale or porter for Carly, but instead decided to pick a wine that goes well with corned beef and potatoes: 2006 Mason Sauvignon Blanc, about $16.
Chikezie – Chikezie’s smooth stylings demand something mellow and rich. We recommend a Merlot that could possibly get better with age. Hogue Columbia Valley 2005 Genesis. About $15.
David Archuleta – Something technically bright and very young would go well with David A.’s Michael Jackson-like vocal runs. Beaujolais Nouveau. Drink it fast: like David A., it won’t keep. Georges DuBoeuf 2007 Beaujolais-Villages. About $12.
David Cook – David C. is the “dark horse” in the competition. With real musical chops, he’s going to be signed regardless where he lands in the lineup. We recommend a robust wine that’s an extremely good value for the money: 2005 Casa Lapostolle Cuvée Alexandre Merlot, about $20.
David Hernandez – David H’s. gaudy strip-club mannerisms and overblown wailing deserve something kinda fake. We chose White Zinfandel, a white wine made from red grapes. Any brand will do.
Jason Castro – sweet and mellow, he looks like a young John Travolta with dreads. No doubt that he’s big with the tween crowd. Something easy on the palate, like a nice Pinot Grigio. We chose 2005 Borgo Maddalena Delle Venezie, about $13.
Kristy Lee Cook – Kristy professes to hail from Oregon. Her manufactured bubbliness would go well with an Oregon sparkling wine: Argyle Brut Rose 2005. Pink and tasty. It's about $35 a bottle, so save it to drink when she gets voted off.
Michael Lee Johns – This one’s obvious, isn’t it? The “Duende from Down Under” demands an Aussie vintage. He’s a little stiff, so we looked for something with a high alcohol content to loosen him up. 2006 Pure Love Layer Cake Shiraz, about $15.
Ramiele Malubay -- The only remaining Asian contestant, this tiny person has a big, big voice. Something surprising would be appropriate. Even better if it’s good with Asian food. We recommend Villa Maria 2007 Private Bin Riesling, about $10.
Syesha Mercado – Miami resident Syesha’s spicy Latina heritage and sexy dance moves demand something a little saucy and Spanish. A nice Rioja, perhaps. Marques de Caceres Rioja Crianza 2004, about $14.
So, we know who we voted for (hint: it ain't Hernandez). In some cases, the wine outweighs the singer (we're looking at you, Cook). But you'll have to give us your own opinions, we're already busy planning next week's menu.
I don't watch TV much either, American Idol?
I just read blogs, write blogs, do wine tours and maintain my wine list. Oh cook and exercise hahaha silly isn't it Are you on Open Wine consortium or is that the other writer?
Posted by: Mark V Marino | March 15, 2008 at 11:16 PM
Too funny! Very snarky - I loved it...Some fun wines here, too.
Posted by: Suenartia | March 17, 2008 at 09:56 AM
It's me, Mark, although I think Angela has joined now.
Posted by: Suenarita | March 22, 2008 at 06:02 AM